~~FOR MY SISTERS~~
‘You can’t understand if you don’t have a sister’.
Every single moment,
This line is uttered at thou,
I back down for a second,
Drooping in my heart break,
No hard feelings,
Towards whoever uttered that,
Do I even know?
I wouldn’t say that,
At least not exactly,
But I once had sisters,
One before I was born,
And the other when I was much younger,
Young enough to understand the joy,
Of having another playmate around,
Of having one more chuckle in the house,
Of one more distinct voice,
Of one extra presence.
But you still don’t understand,
You walk up again and say
‘No no Mariam , you can’t get it,only we with sisters do’,
Straight through my heart,
For every Mid April,
It’s like reenacting,
I see that black cloud again,
And I still can’t help but wonder ‘If’.
Do you know how it’s like?
Waiting to have that one,
That one that made Mother send you on countless errands,
Some you never came back from fully,
Either with multiple scars or nightmares.
But never getting to see,
Having that spark of joy taken coldly,
That space will always be there,
Watching Mother go through clothing’s,
With a facial expression even ‘pain’ can’t describe,
Wondering what would have been ‘if’.
So don’t judge,
What you don’t know,
But do I really know,
What it’s like?
I probably don’t,
I almost did,
I sure do appreciate more than half of you all,
I might also be a little bit jealous,
I hope they do have internet in heaven,
For if they do, I hope you read this.
I do love you truly,
I have come to understand,
And come to peace with fate,
If you do ever slip,
You can come around,
In my dreams,
We could have a sisterly adventure,
One like no other,
It would not make up for anything,
It will be something,
Seeing you both will be astounding,
Joy beyond words.
So I still don’t know.
You can keep telling me that,
It does change nothing,
For this heart is scarred forever,
And the memories,
O’dear, bless them,
For I did hold on forever,
Only that puts a smile on my face,
Even after you say,
‘Mariam, you don’t know what it’s like’.
THIS IS FOR YOU BOTH ONLY.